by Katie,
This novel is a New York Times best seller about motherhood and how it turns life upside down. Shortly after Benjamin was born, a relative asked me what I thought of motherhood. The question made me stop completely in my tracks. After thinking for a few minutes, I responded with the most honest answer I could give: “It is not what I expected.” Mothers-to-be plan and plot and scheme but in the end it’s just as my mother says: “We plan, and the gods laugh.” Women create these ideal scenarios of what our mothering techniques will be and how we will raise our children, and then they arrive and everything goes out the window.
I am uncertain how far into the pregnancies of these women we, the reader, will be placed but let us see how far off course Becky, Ayinde, and Kelly’s ideal motherhoods are. Bookpage.com says the novel “will have readers laughing, crying and, if they’re mothers, nodding their heads in absolute understanding. This is a stay-up-all-night read that’s worth a little sleep deprivation.” After the last few more somber books we’ve read lately, this might be a nice bit of fresh air.
I hope all is well with you and your families, ladies. Personally, I’m exhausted. In a bid to “improve” the back garden we are at the “hard landscaping” stage. Mud and men everywhere.
ReplyDeleteSo it was something of a relief to read “Little Earthquakes” in which everyone was having a much worse time of it: tragedy, domestic upheaval and distress. If the descriptions of pregnancy, childbirth and the subsequent emotional turmoil are a reflection of the truth, ladies, then I’ve had a lucky escape. Clearly, that’s not the case. So, I’m hoping you are going to put me right on this.
I did find some of the characters over the top – Becky’s mother-in-law Mimi for example – and I did wonder what happened to friends the mothers had before they were mothers. Still, having children must entirely change life styles - and with that friends too.
I enjoyed Becky’s personality most of all, though her tolerance of Mimi and Andrew were superhuman. And one’s heart bled for Kelly. I regret to say that had I had children, it’s likely that my approach to motherhood may have been something like Kelly’s.
Despite the sadness and recognition of the frailty of humanity and human life, the book has indeed been the promised breath of fresh air. Becky’s humour was especially entertaining. Thank you, Katie. But I’m very glad you are pregnant with your second, rather than your first, child whilst reading this!
Much love to you both
Sue
Hello to you both! Sorry to hear about the mayhem in your yard Sue. The stages before complete are always so hard.
ReplyDeleteI found this novel very darling. As this is the current state of my life, it really resonated with me. Right you are Sue! I don't know how I would have been able to handle this novel if I were reading it during my first pregnancy instead of my second. Especially with Lia's story! I found that to be the hardest portion of this novel.
I think during my first pregnancy and the subsequent birth of Benjamin, I was a combination of Becky and Ayinde. I had all the pregnancy facts memorized. Then when he was born the first few weeks of his life I spent documenting everything, like in Ayinde's book. This did not last for long. (Haha!) I did go in with a very minimal birthing plan which I am pleased to say I was able to stick with. It sounds like the ladies of this novel were not as fortunate in their desired plans, especially Becky.
Sue, to answer your question about the ladies' "before" friends, I'm sad to say that (in my experience) you loose many of your pre-baby friends. They tolerate you while you are pregnant because you are still you. But once that little ball of screaming flesh appears, they disappear. I have a friend who would uttered such comments as, "That's what you get for getting pregnant." and "what did you expect when you got pregnant?". Very harsh words. Then afterward, they get awkward around you. They don't understand why you DON'T want to hit the bar with them. They don't understand why you can't JUST leave the baby with its daddy every single time they want you to join them to do something fun. Some even seem to view your pregnant state as "contagious". As if you could somehow make them pregnant by being too close to them. It's hard sometimes. Despite her cruel words, I still miss her friendship. Maybe you had a better experience, Nancy?
Did your birthing "plans" go as you intended them Nancy? My game plan is the same as it was the first time around. I'm going to work until the very last minute and once again for-go the drugs. Let's hope there are no surprises this time either.
-Katie
Hello Ladies,
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like all is busy in your worlds. I hope the chaos in the back yard has settled down for you Sue. Although if your back yard is full of men…..and mud, maybe a glass of wine and a deck chair in a strategic position is in order !!! My back yard is also under construction as Ivars is building us a pool to be completed for the Summer, it is very exciting.
Katie, I’m glad you are feeling well with your pregnancy, it can be particularly exhausting juggling work commitments and family, I have so much admiration and respect for working mum’s.
I enjoyed Little Earthquakes ,it was nice easy reading and the characters interesting.
It certainly portrayed some of the bedlam and chaos that follows the birth of a child, and exemplifies that even the the best laid plans become irrelevant in the wake of the Tsunami of children. I feel it also captures well the overwhelming love and protection that instinctively kicks in when your little one is placed in your arms for the first time.
One of the other parts that resonated with me and I found moving was the conversation with Lia and her mother near the end of the story. I feel we all have opinions of our parents we formulate in childhood [with limited knowledge and lack of maturity] that we can sometimes carry with us into adulthood. I felt quite sad that I made a lot of assumptions of my own mothers actions and we never really got a chance to talk about them or whether I may have been functioning under misconceptions sometimes as Lia was.
I believe children, even adult children, myself and my own included rarely realise the sacrifices made for them by their parents.
My own memories of labouring with my children’s birth are fading a little, I do remember though for all my research and reading and planning I was completely taken by surprise by the level of pain. My first labour was long with minimal drug assistance and the second one was drug free. I probably shouldn’t tell you Katie, but you’ll find out anyway, half way through my second labour is when you really remember what the it was like !!!!
I always remember thinking though and Katie please tell me if you agree, the labour is actually the easy part, what comes after , although I would never change it and feel motherhood is my greatest joy, is the most testing on your endurance and patience and mental health.
I also found as you did Katie, we seem to have before children friends and after we’ve had children friends. I am sorry you had such an unpleasant experience with your before children friend. I was pretty lucky a lot of my friends were having children at the same time as myself and the sharing and support was invaluable.
Thank you for choosing this book Katie, it has allowed me to reminisce and enjoy a light read also. I wish you so much love and support with the rest of your pregnancy and after.
much love to you both xx
Ladies, I can't tell you how much I admire you. Minimal or no drugs . . . I have a nasty feeling that would not have been my choice.
ReplyDeleteThe friend who was so unpleasant about your status as a mother was really no friend at all, Katie. But I can see that being a mother would mean you have entirely different priorities so friendships with those who don't have children would have to adapt to the different circumstances.
I rather liked it when girlfriends had children. It meant evenings in their homes which were generally much homelier than my own flat for a single person. Never learned to change a nappy, but I got really good at walking round and round carrying the baby of the moment. For a non-stop talker like myself, discussing with him/her the surroundings, their future - asking questions and answering them myself - was a joy. Meant the mother got to eat dinner too. But I got to give the baby back, which was no doubt best for the future of all concerned.
How working Mums cope I have no idea. I can't think how you did it, ladies. I'd have been on Prozac. I so much admire the generosity, emotional intelligence and strength that goes into the ongoing creation/maintenance of parent/child relationships.
Having enough trouble coping here. Our project is nothing like so impressive as the building of a swimming pool (Well done to Ivars). Nevertheless, as I write, there's a digger operating in the back garden - "boys toys" for sure. They're having a great time. Sadly, it's way too cold and damp to sit in the garden and I'm afraid tea is the drink of choice. Except for Jay who had coffee and Amaretto - fortunately I don't think they're going to let him drive the digger. I'll be required to make toasted sandwiches for lunch soon. It should be my morning at the museum. It wouldn't be so galling if I hadn't gone to see "Suffragettes" last week. I feel that despite all the suffering, we haven't moved that far forward! There again, I wouldn't want to be pushing the wheelbarrow that's shifting the muck the digger's creating.
Much strength for the coming months, Katie
And much love to you both
Sue
Hello again! I hope you are sitting in the lawn chair with the glass of wine, Nancy! Way to go Ivars! Franklin is working on refurbishing an old jungle-gym set in our backyard. Not as messy as what you are dealing with Sue, but still a little change in the view out the dining room window.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely Nancy, post pregnancy/labor was so hard. Labor is pretty straight forward in principle. After labor, you are left trying to figure out how to “be a parent”. You are trying to learn the needs of this tiny little person. It can be absolutely exhausting and even frustrating. I remember one night Franklin came downstairs and took the crying baby away from his crying wife. I was sleep deprived beyond function-ability by that point that night! However, it is all worth it.
You were so fortunate, Nancy, to be at the same life stage as your friends. It must have made been nice to have people to commiserate with and to get advice from. My friends and I sadly are not at the same places. I do have a friend with children. They are, however, older (the eldest turns 10 this coming year!) So her advice is a little dated and her “problems” are different than my “problems”. I do also have one friend who is like “my Sue”. She was very happy to bounce Benjamin around and give me a chance to eat. I know she will be willing to do the same for this new baby. But as she is not even in a relationship, doing the baby thing is not on her agenda for any time soon. So I do not have any real mom-friends. Oh well. Benjamin has survived thus far without me having a group like Kelly, Becky, and Ayinde!
-Katie